The Expanding Unionversity

The National Labor Relations Board ruled on Wednesday March 26th, that the football players at Northwestern University can unionize.

Unionversity

Is this even right? Can the wo/man-children be manipulated in this fashion? Can the wo/man-children earn a union wage for their 'education'? I honestly didn't think upon first hearing this news that I would be as ruffled as I am. I'm ruffled. I don't like it.

Merriam-Webster's definition of University: "1: an institution of higher learning providing facilities for teaching and research and authorized to grant academic degrees; specifically : one made up of an undergraduate division which confers bachelor's degrees and a graduate division which comprises a graduate school and professional schools each of which may confer master's degrees and doctorates

2: the physical plant of a university"

Clearly, the University is a place for education first and foremost. Sports? Sure, they happen. Indeed, they can be taught to a point. There is the first hurdle in this discussion. Are you teaching these athletes the key training procedures they need to reach a professional state, or; are they paid members of the university? If they're being paid for their services, surely they can provide some sort of degree or certification of their knowledge. Oh, what's that you say? They're going to college to learn sports? To learn some other field once their bodies shun athletics? Well! That settles it! They're students!

But it's not that easy. It never is.

There is great truth in that the universities have made and will continue to make millions and millions of dollars on the fields of athletics. Surely for most programs, after expenses, there is money left over. Fine. Put that money into an injury compensation fund for the student athletes. Most do have some form of employment, and boom, if they blow out their ACL, what will they do for a job? That's also a great argument on the other side. That if the athletes get paid, they wont have to worry as much. Where are their degrees? If they're not student athletes, they're coaches. Most coaching jobs require some form of degree or certification. At which point, the student part of student athlete drops off. Why aren't you in the NBA/NFL/MLB? The Answer: The National Football League and the National Basketball Association require three years of college participation for their future athletes. Major League Baseball is the lone hold-out of the Big Three American Sports to allow for non-collegiate participation.

Is that all you ever saw? The money?!

If we allow the process set forward by the National Labor Relations Board to stand, then at the very least we should have the Northwestern University Wildcats compete not for the little college Bowl Championship, but in the dang ol' Super Bowl?! Come on! We want the Wildcats to ROLL over the competition! NO. It will never happen. The reason for that is almost ALWAYS brought up at College/Super Bowl time. In a fantasy setting, the WORST NFL teams are usually wagered by bookies in Las Vegas at being FIFTY or so times BETTER than the BEST COLLEGE TEAMS. So, according to common logic, the 0-16 DETROIT LIONS from a few years back would be FIFTY TIMES better than the current BCS Champion Florida State Seminoles or the Rose Bowl winning Michigan State Spartans. Would the Seminoles, Spartans or Wildcats like to LOSE FIFTY CONSECUTIVE TIMES to the WORST TEAM in the League? No, and quite frankly, if they did, they wouldn't last more than three or four seasons. These college teams, they're filled with children.

Don't let your children end up like this. Sad. :(

Expanderverse

So what do you do about the problem of children wanting to be a part of the 'big time'? Make them go only a year or two? The Leagues already tried that. Make them go four? What's an additional year, especially if you're unionized? There are two real solutions. One: The Parents put their feet down and demand their children attend the university of the child's choosing as a student athlete, unpaid save for the students own employment or perhaps an injury compensation fund. Two: The Leagues undergo a MASSIVE EXPANSION EFFORT across the country (and Canada). Put some D-League'ers in the League to enhance upcoming player development. Promote some minor league teams to the majors. Throw Canada a ball; you ever see how tough they are at the hockeys?

Where you develop the talent is almost as important nowadays. (Wichita State? Pfft. I chose Michigan State DECADES ago.) Where can these athletes continue to develop their skills? Perhaps not the Colleges. The Leagues wont take less than 3 years collegiate experienced players. EXPANSION is the Number One Answer here. Maybe not even the expansion of the current leagues. I'm feeling a bit radical here, to show my support of the formation of NEW LEAGUES and DEVELOPMENTAL TERRITORIES in the sports of BASEBALL, BASKETBALL and FOOTBALL, not to overtly challenge their systems, but to give the children a chance at fulfilling their dreams as professionally trained adults. Why teach these sports if 90% will never play professionally? If one were to go to the colleges and their students with that number, such a current state COULD NOT EXIST. There is simply NO SUCCESS and LIMITED MONEY in a 90% FAILURE RATE. (Take that NCAA sports success story commercials!)

The 'Physical Plant of the University', ALL education starts at home. Don't you think there is someone, of indiscriminate age, that needs a start in the education of athletics?

The Towns however, could deal with this. At least more effectively than the professional organization could. All they need is a bit of seed money from the UNIVERSITY to give them the right resources to start their own venture, let's say the CityLand Ventures. You've got the elders teaching the youth the concepts behind baseball, basketball and football, leadership, business and life skills. Then all that is left is the athletically educated adult, left to hone his or her skills on the field; to help a little boy or girl reach their athletic dreams.

What I would propose is a return to community-based systems of the old times. Challenge some of these ex-league members and their college educations. If they're willing to coach the CityLand High School football team (I'm going for a 'Brett Favre' on this one), then why not put the time in to the CityLand Ventures? They aren't 'in the minors', because you've eliminated that by supporting such expansive efforts. Neither are they as glamorous, since we've got the Unionversities and 'the minors' nowadays. The Leagues don't like these community-based systems though. Look at the NFL and the Green Bay Packers. NFL doesn't like the way the Packers are owned, which clearly goes back to the community. Expand your Community through proper research, education and enjoyment at ALL LEVELS.

What is more important here? What everybody KNOWS for a FACT is a CORRUPTED COLLEGIATE SYSTEM; or the development of youth into fine, upstanding adults, ready for the professional 'big time', having the ability to shrug off every creeping and corrupting influence put upon them? It's not just a battle of business versus education. It's a battle over the Purity of Youth versus the Corrupted Youth, since obviously Corrupted Adults taking on kids is, you know, bad.

The Transmigration of Paul Bunyan

In the logging camps, they called him a giant of a man. Lake Erie and Lake Ontario are his footprints left behind on the country. They called him a workhorse, digging out Lake Michigan as a water trough for his favorite ox. They lay him down in Lake Superior, ready and willing to tell his tall tales and make him a legend. Who is this man? Why Paul Bunyan, of course! But did you know that he was only four feet tall? Brainerd, Grand Rapids, Bangor, Bemidji, Oscoda; all these cities lovingly claimed Paul Bunyan as their own. But did you know that he was a transmigrant between the cities of East Lansing and Ann Arbor Michigan?

Paul had only been gone a year, but it felt like decades. He'd made an unplanned migration the previous fall, amidst much the same hoopla that had come in the previous years; the location changes, yes, but the hunk of wooden man never does. Confident, he stood there staring out at the masses, surveying all the emotion of the camps; some cheered and reached out to him, hoping to brush a fingertip against his slivery being; still some cried out at the loss of Paul Bunyan from their camp. Who else would help chop firewood to keep them warm during the dreadwinters?

Paul himself didn't think much of the move. Going from one camp to another, they all had the same feel: carousing, roughhousing, lewd activities, the occasional victory pyre in the middle of camp and half-moronic camp foremen to boot-- seaweed is not wood, nor do trees have feelings. He doesn't think much beyond those feels, simply moving about from camp to camp, one dreadwinter after another. One off-season after another. It was the long off-seasons that were killing him.

Sometimes he got more than enough to feed his Babe for the entire season! It was purely maddening; but yet, he stands there, fists planted firmly in his hips. Paul knows the power of the camps. He knows one day his time will come again. He will move.

That day had come on November 2nd 2013. Saturday.

The camps had come together as they usually had to play a game. Not any lumberjacks' games (that would have warmed Paul's heart), but a game of football. Certain lumberjacks stood there looking confused. Some took off work boot and sock, curling and uncurling their toes. Some still tried to join in the fray, practicing their kicking skills. Unofficially, it was a forfeit of the ages. Here they say kickers lack any sort of fortitude!

It was the Camp of the Spartans versus the Camp of the Wolverines for four quarters:

First Quarter:  SPARTANS control WOLVERINES.
Second Quarter: SPARTANS control WOLVERINES.
Halftime: REJOICE.
Third Quarter: SPARTANS control WOLVERINES.
Fourth Quarter: SPARTANS control WOLVERINES.
RESULT: Paul is coming home.

This, being a natural game, overseen by Paul Bunyan, must be put in a natural setting and action. A Spartan, even a Lumberjack, should control the animals, Wolverine or otherwise. Four quarters of reality had been played out. The opposing camp could barely scamper away, certainly they could not push forward for the sake of Paul Bunyan. He will move them, perhaps in a years time, perhaps a decade or two. Paul Bunyan moved too. Could he have cried sawdust tears of joy no doubt he would have! But his wooden nature, being hard like that of wood, stood in the way.

No matter the outcome, he did look forward to this year, as he has the previous 59. Fo Sho Bo, Pearly Perles, Carr Goes Vroom Vroom, Better Than Nick Saban. All Kings of the Field, they play their best for the very soul of Paul Bunyan. But in reality, it's not just for a piece of statuary every year, it is a Battle for Michigan. A battle for a little piece of the larger history that helped build this state with Lumber and Metal and Trucks to haul all of it.  A battle for each of us, the citizens of Michigan, whether it be Up North, in the U.P., Mackinac City, Jackson, Ironwood, New Buffalo or the Soo: We are Michigan. So too are we Paul Bunyan.

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When Celebrityism Attacks Its Own Incarnations

I have seen video of this Drake trying to enter the Miami Heat locker room after their NBA Championship victory. Trying to mosey on into victory lane, riding high on the waves of his Musical Celebrityism. His high gain of Celebrityism was muted when informed that the locker room was open only to Media Celebrities; the approved reporters for various publications and teevee channels who are well-liked of the Heat and the general Sports Enthusiast Audience. They are the knowers of these Sports Celebrities. They chum around during the season, experiencing the highs and lows. They invest beyond normal means to get the story. I was there when Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh and Lebron James made the important shots during the season. I was there to lift them up, during their moment of injury; helping to wave Media Celebrityism over the Sports Celebrityist in hopes of raising some Klout between the Sports Enthusiast Audience, along with other Sports and Media Celebrityists. This is the Klout of Celebrityism.

The Sports Celebrityist is thankful for the fans cheering him or her on. Thankful for the fans showing up, so as to pay for their often times outrageous salaries. The Sports Celebrityist gains nothing from the Sport Enthusiast Audience aside perhaps from a momentary adrenaline rush, the results upon the Sports Celebrityist being not always positive. That being said, the Sports Celebrityist has grown into some form of Emotional Vampire, sapping away such enthusiasm from the Sports Enthusiast Audience. One can see this from the riots that erupt after championship wins. The means of proper excitement and joy for the Sports Team has been sapped away. I must do something above and beyond my ordinary means, the Riotous Sports Enthusiast Audience says, I must participate in Riotous Sports Enthusiast Audience GroupThought.

Where does the Musical Celebrityist Drake come into this?

One- it is clear that not only outside of his Musical Celebrityism, he is a member of the Sports Enthusiast Audience's Celebrityist Chapter. This is not a bad thing; this portion of the Audience just happens to be Celebrityists. Big Whoop. A few bad things about it? One- see the video above. I am a Musical Celebrityist, Drake says, you must let me enter. Whereas the Media Celebrityist Door Checker may reply internally: Drake? No. I enjoy the Musical Celebrityist stylings of George Strait, Willie Nelson and the like. You, sir, are no George Strait or Willie Nelson. Replying to Drake as he did, he has confirmed himself as an upholder of the Sports and Media Celebrityists; as well, being a VERY MINIMALLY decent person.
Two- it confirms Drake as a terrible member of the Sports Enthusiast Audience by further confirming the Musical Celebrityism of his name, Drake, over any price of admittance to the Sports Celebrityist Games. He has used the emotion of the Music Enthusiast Audience to solicit funds to prop his Celebrityism up to a point where he says, I am Drake. I am a Musical Celebrityist who has lots and lots of money. If you grant me admittance, I will grant you a monetary wish. He has duped not only the Musical Enthusiast Audience, but he has also duped the Sports Enthusiast Audience (forcing eager payers out into the streets to potentially join in Riotous Sports Enthusiast Audience GroupThought Games);  he has duped the Sports Celebrityists in a similar fashion, since he has forced out members of the Sports Enthusiast Audience, the money-making catalyst); finally, he has Media Celebrityists somewhat duped, whereas Drake's thinking at the time was somewhere along the lines of: 'My Celebrityism MUST transcend ALL the ISM's. Therefore, I WILL gain entry into the Media Celebrityist's Celebration of the Sports Celebrityist's Games.'

Indeed, Drake has invoked a Holier-Than-Thou attitude within himself and almost certainly extending to his entourage. This should serve as a detriment to his career, however:

Celebrityism IS an umbrella over the WHOLE of Celebrityism. They may attack each other in a more covert manner such as this; or, in a more overt manner such as, say, Courtney Love and Madonna or Kelly Osbourne and Lady Gaga. More times than not, they'll make up like Drake, Lebron and Dwayne did later.

All in all, WE are the only true victims of Celebrityism.

Drake wonders: Why?